Carly Burruss

Her Success Doesn't Mean My Failure

Carly Burruss
Her Success Doesn't Mean My Failure

Have you ever had a friend “make it” before you? Get a job before you, get the amazing internship you wanted, get the publishing deal you fought for? I have. And it can hurt. Envy can wreck us if we let it.

If we let it.

Check out this video from Chelsea Handler about dealing with jealousy and her friend’s success.

We know Chelsea’s hilarious, crude and rude, but dang - girl can preach!

First things first - someone ‘makes it’ before you. It feels awful, you’re having bad thoughts toward them, and it hurts. That should have been you! You’ve worked so hard for this! So what do you do? Tell a friend. Don’t push that feeling away or stuff it down. Everything comes out in the end, and it won’t be pretty. Acting on jealousy can ruin friendships. Trust me - I’ve done it. A great suggestion from my experience is to have a go-to friend who isn’t in your same circle. Mine isn’t a writer or artist, but she works on the business side of music. She gets the world I’m in, and she always keeps my head on straight. It’s a breath of fresh air when I need to vent! Think through your people and pinpoint your go-to gal or guy.

Next up, congratulate them when you’re feeling up to it. Sometimes faking it ‘til you make it can actually work for your benefit in the end. The more you celebrate others’ successes, the more normal it feels and the better you get at it. Plus, wouldn’t you want to be celebrated when your big moment comes? Spread the love, ladies! It’s okay to take as much time as you need to get to this place. Surrounding yourself with people who love you, call out your talents, and call you up to your potential are instrumental in building your self-confidence. Once your confidence builds, you will give love more freely.

The most important lesson I’m learning from being in a town FULL of scary talented writers, singers, players, and girl bosses is that there is a space for each of us. Yes - our friends are getting called up into opportunities we want every. single. day. We accept that that will happen. But hear this - in being made uniquely, we are here to befriend unique groups of people, make one-of- a-kind forms of art, use our style, talent, words, and life to make a mark on the world that NO ONE else can make! We are all sisters in arms making the world around us diverse, fun, and free. So, as Chelsea said, “never blow out someone else’s candle to make yours brighter.” Your people and those coming after you need your light to shine so they can follow it into the dark places of uncertainty, doubt, and fear.

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I hope you’ll stick this nugget of insight and encouragement in your back pocket for the days when jealousy threatens to get ahold of you. Remember that all the little open doors and little wins along the way might not come when you think they should, but they are the building blocks setting the foundation for a fulfilling and meaningful life.

Go in confidence!

Carly